Just For Today – December 29 – Through Others’ Eyes

Recovery is not just about abstaining from harmful behaviors; it’s about growth, self-awareness, and transformation. One of the most challenging yet rewarding aspects of this journey is learning to see ourselves as we truly are. Often, our self-perception is clouded by bias—whether it’s overly critical or overly forgiving. By listening to the honest reflections of others, we gain valuable insights that can deepen our understanding of ourselves and our recovery.

The Challenge of Self-Perception

Each of us is deeply familiar with our own thoughts, actions, and motivations. Yet, this familiarity often leads to a skewed perspective. We may focus too much on our flaws, minimizing our strengths, or we might gloss over areas where growth is needed. In either case, it’s difficult to see the full picture of who we are without external input.

Why Self-Reflection Alone Isn’t Enough

1. Bias: We tend to justify our actions or judge ourselves harshly, depending on our mood.
2. Blind spots: There are aspects of our behavior that we simply can’t see, either because they’ve become habitual or because we’re too close to the situation.
3. Fear: Admitting our flaws to ourselves can feel daunting, even in recovery.

This is where the insights of others become invaluable. The people who care about us in the program can provide a more balanced and objective view of who we are.

The Gift of Honest Feedback

In the rooms of recovery, feedback from others can be a powerful tool for growth. When someone shares what they see in us—whether it’s something positive we’ve overlooked or an area for improvement—it’s an opportunity to learn and evolve.

Benefits of honest feedback:

• Perspective: Others can point out strengths we don’t recognize in ourselves.
• Awareness: They can gently highlight behaviors or attitudes that may be holding us back.
• Encouragement: Feedback often affirms the progress we’ve made, boosting our confidence.

While it’s natural to feel defensive at times, practicing openness to feedback allows us to embrace it as a gift rather than a threat.

Listening Without Defensiveness

Receiving constructive feedback isn’t always easy. Our first instinct might be to dismiss it or become defensive, especially if it touches on sensitive areas. However, even feedback delivered with poor intentions can offer valuable insights if we’re willing to look for the truth within it.

How to Approach Feedback:

1. Pause before reacting: Take a moment to reflect before responding to criticism.
2. Consider the source: Is the feedback coming from someone who genuinely cares about your growth?
3. Focus on the message: Even if the delivery is flawed, there may be truth in what’s being said.
4. Ask questions: Seek clarification if needed, and express gratitude for their honesty.

By practicing humility and openness, we create space to grow from the insights of others.

Actively Seeking Input

We don’t have to wait for unsolicited feedback to gain insights into ourselves. Taking the initiative to ask for feedback demonstrates a commitment to self-improvement and builds trust in our relationships. Sponsors, fellow NA members, or trusted friends can provide valuable observations when we approach them with honesty and a willingness to listen.

Steps to Seek Feedback:

1. Choose the right person: Look for someone you trust and respect, such as a sponsor or a close recovery friend.
2. Be specific: Ask for feedback on particular areas of your life or behaviors you want to understand better.
3. Listen without interrupting: Let them share their perspective fully before responding.
4. Reflect and act: Consider their input and determine how you can use it to grow.

By seeking feedback, we expand our self-awareness and build a broader, more accurate picture of who we are.

Seeing Ourselves Through Others’ Eyes

The process of seeing ourselves through others’ eyes can be uncomfortable, but it’s also liberating. It allows us to move beyond our limited self-view and embrace a more complete understanding of our character. We may discover hidden strengths we didn’t realize we had or recognize patterns that need to change. In both cases, these insights are opportunities for growth.

“We want a broader vision of our life than just our own; we can have that vision by seeing ourselves through the eyes of others.”

Recovery is about progress, not perfection. By inviting others into our journey and learning from their perspectives, we take meaningful steps toward becoming the best version of ourselves.

Just for today: I seek to see myself as I truly am. I will listen to what others say about me, and see myself through their eyes.